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Rental Review: The Unborn

March 22, 2009

The Unborn

By Chad Larson

Take a good, long look at that poster before reading the rest of my post. Seriously, I’ll wait.

Why is her reflection 6 inches to the left?

Alright, now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about the latest movie featuring a creepy dead kid as the antagonist.

“The Unborn” stars Odette Yustman as Casey. Casey is a babysitter, and in true babysitter fashion is running up the long distance bill talking to her annoying friend Romy (Meagan Good), instead of actually paying attention to the kids. She hears something on the baby monitor and yells “Matty, are you up?”

She keeps hearing things and goes to check on the kids. Matty is holding a mirror up to the face of the baby, saying “Keep looking.”

When Casey stops him, he says “Jumby wants to be born now” and bashes her in the face with the mirror.

And with this we begin our slow descent in to hell. Casey goes to the doctor because her eye starts changing colors. The eye doctor does some tests and figures out that her eye is changing colors because she had a twin and they swapped some blood in the womb.

But Casey doesn’t believe she had a twin. OR DID SHE?!?

She did.

Casey starts seeing things like bugs and creepy little kids and exploding toilets and her dead mom. Also a dog with it’s head on wrongside-up.

Luckily, she spends quite a bit of the movie half naked, which is a way to get the people in the audience to actually pay attention to the story.

“The Unborn” (which I prefer to call Romy and Casey’s Dead Brother Reunion) tries really hard to be suspenseful and in some scenes it succeeds. There are a lot of creepy moments with spider-walking old people and the aforementioned upside-down-head-dog-thing. Those parts are actually scary.

However, the scariest part of the movie is what passes as acting for the leads. Yustman and the evil vampire dude from “Twilight” aren’t in the A-list of actors, and this movie shows why. They deliver their lines with all the passion and inflection of a dead goat, and it becomes tiresome to watch them onscreen.

The movie also falls in to a lot of horror movie cliches, with an ending that is absolutely predictable that will cause your eyes to roll so far back in to your head that you will see the inside of your feet.

Some movies do a good job of explaining the random scary crap that pops up. “One Missed Call,” despite being a horrible movie, explained the use of cell phones and the hard candies that popped up at the death scenes. “Stay Alive” explained the roses. Why can’t “The Unborn” explain the creepy huge-ass ants?

The concept was not a bad idea, but the acting and attempts at suspense were bad, and that’s a shame. I had high hopes for this movie, but I left it with a feeling of not being disappointed, but not necessarily wanting to add the movie to my favorites list. I think the best emotion I can describe being brought up from this movie is: “meh.”

If you like movies like “The Ring”, “The Grudge,” “Stay Alive,” and other such movies where some kind of ghostly thing kills people to achieve some mysterious goal that is unraveled throughout the plot, then you might like this if you can get past the robots who pretend to be the main cast.

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